If you have ever purchased a toy for your child only for them to ignore it, you certainly aren't undergoing this alone. The blocks? Stacked just once, then scattered. The farm animals? Lined up? Or thrown, maybe. The puzzle? Touched just two seconds before being left behind. You might have even found yourself thinking, "Is it me? Is something wrong?" Learning how to teach playing skills to your autistic child can transform these moments of disconnect into opportunities for meaningful engagement and development.

Here is a truth that no one tells you: There is nothing wrong with you or your child.

What many people never explain is that for a lot of autistic children, play is a skill. One that can be taught like walking or talking but not by giving your child more therapy hours or a new gadget off Amazon. Instead, it can be done by how you show up during play.

Turns out the educator isn’t the toy, but you.

If you are struggling to figure out how to play with your autistic child when nothing works, keep reading because I have something for you.

In this guide, I am going to walk you through a simple but powerful approach to help your child learn to enjoy and learn through play with toys already in your home.

So, let’s get started.

Why Playtime Feels So Hard for Autistic Children (and How to Encourage Play)

If you're reading this, chances are you've tried everything. You've bought the toys. You've set them up beautifully. You've sat on the floor, hopeful. Why playtime feels so hard for autistic children and how to encourage play is often the question that lingers in these quiet moments when expectations meet reality, and you're left wondering how to bridge the gap between your child's world and the colorful toys arranged before them.

But then your child:

• Walks away

• Fixates on one part of the toy

• Repeats the same thing over and over

• Refuses to share

You’re not doing anything wrong.

Understanding how to encourage play in autism means shifting our expectations. For many autistic children, toys aren’t automatically engaging. It’s not because they don’t care. It’s because:

• They don’t know how to use it yet

• It’s too noisy or overwhelming

• They love repetition (and that’s okay!)

• They need a foundation first (like imitation and joint attention)

  
  

So no, you don’t need to throw away every toy and start over. You just need to change how you play.

How to Play With Your Autistic Child: The Join–Add–Wait Method

This is the method we teach every single family we work with. It doesn't require new toys. It doesn't take hours. And it actually works. This is how to play with your autistic child - a gentle approach that teaches play skills and how to use toys for learning without turning playtime into a lesson. Let's break it down.

Step 1: Join Their Play (Even If It’s Weird)

Don’t lead. Don’t ask questions. Just join. If they’re spinning a lid, spin one too. If they’re making a sound, echo it. If they’re tapping, tap along. You’re not trying to fix their play. You’re saying, *"I see you. I like what you’re doing. Can I play too?" And that’s where connection starts.

Step 2: Add One Thing

Now that you’re in the play, gently expand it. Not with questions like "What color is that?" but with something fun:

• Add a silly sound: "Vroom!"

• Add a motion: Crash the car

• Add a prop: Bring a bridge or box

• Add a comment: "My cow is sleepy." You're not testing them. You're layering in fun.

Step 3: Wait, Watch, and Respond

This is the hardest step—but also the most important. After you do something, pause. Give them time to respond in their way:

• A glance

• A smile

• Copying you

• Reaching for the toy Then respond to that. "You looked at me! I saw that." "You made a sound too! Nice!" "You knocked over my tower! Boom!" Those little moments? They’re the beginning of communication.

Toys for Autistic Children: Real Play Examples That Work

🚨Before we dive in, if you're looking for detailed step-by-step examples using toys like blocks, puzzles, and cars, check out our full guide: Teach Real Play Skills Guide.

It's packed with scripts, play ideas, and troubleshooting tips. My wife and I (both BCBAs) wrote this guide when we realized we use tons of ABA strategies to teach our toddler how to play at home and wanted a way to share that with all the families reaching out for our services.

Let’s talk about the toys that didn’t make it into our eBook. Because if you’re wondering, "Okay but what does this actually look like in my house?"—this is where it comes to life.

You don’t need therapy toys. You don’t need Montessori shelves. You just need a moment, your child, and one of the many toys already floating around your home. Many of these toys work especially well for nonverbal autistic children because they emphasize connection, not conversation.

Here are a few everyday favorites (not from our eBook!) that are perfect for practicing Join–Add–Wait:

Measuring Cups and Spoons

• Join: Tap the cups or scoop alongside your child

• Add: Say "Scoop, scoop!" or pretend to pour into a bowl

• Wait: Pause and see if they look at you, mimic your action, or hand you a spoon

Balloons

• Join: Tap the balloon gently, or copy their motion if they toss it

• Add: Blow it up and let it fly with a silly sound: "Whoa!"

• Wait: Look for a smile, a reach, or a new action to copy

Laundry Basket

• Join: If they climb in, push them gently and mirror their excitement

• Add: Make a "Vroom!" sound or pretend you're driving to the moon

• Wait: Stop and watch their reaction—do they ask for more with their eyes or body?

Scarves or Dish Towels

• Join: Wave it slowly or play peekaboo alongside them

• Add: Let it float down dramatically while saying "Whoooosh!"

• Wait: Notice if they watch it fall, smile, or try it too

Empty Boxes

• Join: Sit inside if they do, or tap on the box with rhythm

• Add: Make it a rocket, a boat, or a cave with sound effects

• Wait: Give them space to engage, then follow their lead

These aren’t just creative substitutions. They’re proof that the thing doesn’t matter nearly as much as the way you play. You can build a connection anywhere, even in the laundry room. If you’re looking for more, check out Top 10 Toys for Nonverbal Autistic Children That Encourage Communication

Autism Play Therapy at Home: What to Do When Play Falls Apart

Spoiler: It won’t. And that’s okay.

If they throw the toy, that’s communication. If they wander away, they might just need a break. If they repeat the same thing over and over, that’s comfort.

If it feels like the autism play therapy at home is falling apart, here’s what to do: Stay calm. Sit nearby. Keep your play simple and engaging. Narrate what you’re doing without pressure. Try again tomorrow.

Progress in play doesn’t happen in big dramatic shifts. It happens in small, quiet moments where your child starts to look at you differently. Where they start to invite you in. That’s how you know it’s working.

For more parenting scripts when things don’t go smoothly, visit Talking About Autism: Parenting Scripts That Actually Work.

How to Teach Autism Play Skills Through Connection, Not Perfection

This approach isn’t about squeezing more ABA therapy into your day. It’s about building connection. It’s about feeling less helpless and more confident. These are the foundations of autism play therapy at home.

And it works.

When you join your child’s play, add a little spark, and wait for their response, you’re not just teaching play skills. You’re teaching connection, communication, and confidence.

So the next time you look at the toy box and think, "What now?" Remember: it’s not about the toy. It’s about how you use it.

To learn how many hours of ABA therapy your child may need based on their current engagement and play skills, read our post, How Many Hours of ABA Therapy Does My Child Need?

If You’ve Made It This Far…

Every small moment of shared attention, every smile exchanged over a toy, every successful interaction builds a bridge between your world and your child's. These connections may seem modest at first, but they build over time, creating pathways for deeper understanding and communication. By meeting your child where they are and gently expanding their play repertoire, you're not just filling hours; you're filling hearts, including your own.

At  Celeration ABA we offer ABA therapy services in the Bay Area. We hope that you found this blog helpful, and if you have any questions, please contact us.

🚨Don't forget to grab your free guide:

FAQs

What toys help autistic children learn through play? 

Toys that invite interaction—like measuring cups, balloons, and boxes—can encourage connection and communication without needing language.

How can I play with my nonverbal autistic child? 

Use a strategy called Join–Add–Wait: join their play, add a small new action, and wait for a response. This builds trust and encourages communication.

Can I do autism play therapy at home? 

Yes. You don’t need more hours of therapy—you need better ways to engage during the time you already spend together.