Is ABA Therapy Right for My Child? The Pros, Cons, and the Truth No One Tells You

When your child is diagnosed with autism, you’re thrown into a world of decisions you never expected to make.

People mention ABA therapy. It comes up in Facebook groups, pediatrician conversations, and early intervention referrals. So you search it online.

And what you find? Confusing at best. Terrifying at worst.

One article says ABA is life-changing. Another says it’s harmful. One parent swears by it. Another regrets ever saying yes.

So what’s the truth?

In this post, I’ll walk you through the real pros and cons of ABA therapy, no jargon, no scare tactics. Just what I’d want to know as a parent trying to make the best possible decision for my child.

Real Talk: Should You Even Start ABA?

If you’re unsure whether ABA therapy is the right move, or if you’re worried about doing more harm than good, watch this.

In this quick video, I break down:

• What good ABA actually looks like (and what to avoid)

• The most common misconceptions that scare families off

• How to tell if a provider is truly listening to your goals

▶️ Hit play — you’ll feel clearer in 5 minutes than you have after hours of Googling.

No sales pitch. Just real talk from a BCBA who actually listens to parents.

TlDR: ABA Therapy Pros and Cons Summary

Pros:

• Backed by decades of research

• Teaches real-life, functional skills

• Individualized for each child

• Actively includes parents

• Tracks measurable progress

Cons:

• Quality varies greatly by provider

• Can be time- and energy-intensive

• Some programs still focus on outdated goals

• Progress may feel slow at times

• Can be expensive and difficult to access

What Is ABA Therapy?

(And Why Is There So Much Controversy?)

ABA stands for Applied Behavior Analysis — a therapy based on how behavior works, how it’s influenced, and how it can change.

In practice, ABA therapy is often used to:

• Teach communication and language

• Build independence in daily routines

• Support emotional regulation

• Reduce behaviors that interfere with learning or safety

It’s the most widely studied therapy for children with autism—and has decades of data behind it. But not all ABA therapy is the same.

This is where many families get confused.

Some ABA providers are skilled, compassionate, and deeply collaborative. Others may use outdated methods focused on compliance or surface-level change. That variation is the root of the ABA therapy controversy you’ve likely encountered. For a great overview, you can check out the Autism Speaks website here: Autism Speaks: What Is ABA?

The #1 Thing

Parents Wish They Knew Before Starting ABA

We asked dozens of Bay Area families what they regret most about starting ABA.

The patterns were loud and clear.

So we turned their hard-earned lessons into a free, no-fluff guide:

Families Regret Starting ABA for 3 Reasons, Don’t Be One of Them

A Bay Area Parent’s Guide to Avoiding Costly Mistakes

Inside, you’ll learn:

• Why your BCBA might barely see your child

• What makes a goal actually meaningful (hint: it’s not 80% accuracy)

• How to walk away before wasting months in the wrong program

Parents say this was more helpful than any intake call they’ve had.

The Benefits of ABA Therapy (When It’s Done Right)

1. It’s Backed by Research, Not Guesswork

ABA therapy has been studied for over 50 years. The research shows it can significantly improve:

• Communication

• Social skills

• Adaptive daily living

• Learning readiness

When families are given the right support and skilled providers, ABA isn’t just helpful—it’s transformative. You can view the research for yourself on the National Autism Center: National Standards Project website.

2. It Focuses on Real-Life, Functional Skills

Forget old-school drills and flashcards. Modern ABA focuses on practical, meaningful goals like:

• Asking for help instead of melting down

• Brushing teeth without a fight

• Playing with others in a way that works for them

• Using coping tools to handle overwhelm

These skills make life easier — for your child and for you.

3. It’s Individualized to Your Child

There’s no one-size-fits-all plan. ABA therapy should reflect your child’s strengths, interests, and your family’s priorities.

That might mean:

• Teaching through their love of trucks or dinosaurs

• Adapting session structure to their energy and focus

• Choosing goals that matter to you, not just the textbook

4. You’re Part of the Process (Not Just Watching From the Sidelines)

Great ABA programs actively include and coach parents.

You’ll learn how to:

• Handle tantrums with more confidence

• Support communication at home

• Reduce stress in routines like mealtime and drop-off

• Set boundaries without feeling like a drill sergeant

You don’t need a degree in behavior science to help your child. You just need the right kind of guidance—and a provider who actually listens.

5. Progress Is Measured (So You’re Not Guessing)

ABA uses data to guide decisions. You’ll see clear patterns of progress, and your team can make changes quickly if something’s not working.

That doesn’t mean progress is always fast. But it’s visible and trackable, so you’re not stuck wondering, “Are we making a difference?”

The Drawbacks of ABA Therapy (And How to Avoid Them)

1. Not All ABA Is Created Equal

One of the biggest risks is assuming all ABA providers offer the same quality of care.

Sadly, some teams are undertrained, overly rigid, or focused more on compliance than connection. This is where many families—and former clients—have had painful experiences.

Red flags to watch for:

• High staff turnover

• Lack of collaboration with parents

• The same goals for every child

• An emphasis on eye contact, sitting still, or stimming reduction

2. It Can Be Time-Intensive (And Emotionally Draining)

Some programs recommend 20–40 hours per week. That may be appropriate for some kids — but it’s not realistic for every child or family.

Too much therapy can lead to burnout, and more hours doesn’t always mean better outcomes.

Ask:

• “What’s sustainable for our family right now?”

• “Are these hours purposeful or just filling a quota?”

Read more: How Many Hours of ABA Therapy Does My Child Need?

3. Some Providers Still Use Outdated Practices

The field has evolved—but not all providers have.

Outdated ABA may focus on:

• Forcing eye contact

• Discouraging stimming

• Teaching children to appear “less autistic” rather than helping them thrive

Modern ABA focuses on:

• Honoring neurodiversity

• Teaching advocacy and self-regulation

• Building trust, not just compliance

If you're looking to learn more about current practices BCBAs use you can check out the Behavior Analyst Certification Board (BACB) website for more information.

4. Progress Isn’t Always Fast or Linear

Real behavior change takes time. Some kids make huge gains quickly. Others take smaller steps.

This isn’t failure. It’s just the reality of human learning.

Still, when you’re emotionally invested and financially stretched, slow progress can feel disheartening. Especially if you’ve been sold quick results.

That’s why it’s critical to track small wins. Over time, they add up.

5. It Can Be Expensive and Hard to Access

Even with insurance, ABA therapy often comes with:

• Long waitlists

• Limited in-network availability

• High co-pays or deductibles

• Confusing paperwork and denials

That’s why many families turn to private, out-of-network ABA providers—especially those who offer:

• Faster access

• Highly trained, consistent BCBAs

• Personalized, one-on-one care

We’re one of those providers—and yes, we support insurance reimbursement and offer superbills.

Learn more about our services here.

Is ABA Therapy Right for My Child?

This isn’t just a yes-or-no question. It’s about fit.

Ask yourself:

1. Do I feel comfortable with the provider’s approach?

2. Are they listening to what matters to me?

3. Does my child feel safe and supported during sessions?

4. Can I see and understand the progress being made?

5. Are we working toward goals that improve our daily life?

Still unsure? That’s okay. Your uncertainty is valid—and it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Imagine This…

You’re in the kitchen, and your child walks in, tugging on your sleeve.

Instead of screaming or hitting, they say—or sign—“Snack?”

You pause.

Not because it’s shocking. But because it’s finally becoming normal.

That’s what meaningful therapy looks like.

Not forcing change—but building connection, communication, and confidence—at their pace, in your real life.

Final Thoughts: It’s Not “Is ABA Good or Bad?”—It’s “Who’s Delivering It?”

ABA therapy has real benefits. It also has real risks—if done poorly.

The goal isn’t to decide whether ABA is right or wrong. It’s to find a provider who:

• Listens

• Adjusts

• Partners with you

• Honors your child’s identity

You don’t have to rush. And you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

Ready for Support That Actually Fits Your Family?

We offer BCBA-only, in-home ABA therapy in the Bay Area—without the long waitlists. Our goal is to make therapy easier, more collaborative, and genuinely helpful for your family.

Get started with our Next Steps Plan →